V1P Blog Post: Managing the Festive Season

When the festive season doesn’t feel so cheerful for you

For many veterans the festive season and Christmas is not all merry, cheer, warmth and cosy nights with family and friends. It can bring a lot of distress, sadness, anxiety, over stimulation, stress and pressure. You can feel disconnected, lonely and feeling like you don’t quite fit in. If you are someone who struggles, know that you are not alone. Christmas can disrupt your routine, lead to financial worries, remind you of those you have lost, and you may feel forced into social environments that can feel overwhelming and uncomfortable.

Here’s some tips that may help you through:

1)      Routine: Where possible, keep key activities as part of your routine. Wake up and go to bed at the same time, eat regular meals, stick to daily habits such as going to the gym, or going for a walk. Keeping as much as your routine as possible will help provide a bit of structure, which is good for your mental health.

2)      You do not have to force yourself to get into the ‘Christmas spirit’: Christmas is often portrayed as a time when families and friends come together and all is happy and cheerful. In reality, its not always this easy and family dynamics can be stressful. Give yourself permission to keep things more low-key, calm, quiet and as relaxed as possible.

3)      Give yourself permission to opt out and say no: Festive gatherings can be overwhelming, over stimulating and triggering. Plan shorter visits rather than committing to several hours of socialising. If you want to stay out longer, find a space where you can go to get some respite and recharge your social battery, such as a quiet room. If you have a trusted friend, or family member, let them know you are going to pop into the space if you need to.

4)      Use grounding techniques: If you do chose to go to busier places, and are feeling anxious, or overwhelmed, ‘grounding’ brings you back into control of your own body in the present moment. Learn breathing techniques, you can use phone Apps to do this, such as Calm or Head Space, where you can be guided to regulate your emotions and breathing. This is helpful to manage uncomfortable emotions.

5)      Limit alcohol use: Often alcohol is used to cope when times get tough. However, alcohol can lead to increased anxiety, depression and poor sleep. At Christmas, there are often more opportunities to drink alcohol, and it can be tempting to drink more, and be more difficult to stick to your limits. Don’t feel pressure to drink more that you want. Communicate your limits and needs to a trusted friend/ family member. If you are drinking because you feel stressed or overwhelmed, it’s likely this is not going to be helpful…drink awareness website has lots of helpful information: The Drinkaware guide to a safe and happy Christmas | Drinkaware

6)      Create your own version of Christmas that meets your needs: What Christmas ‘should be’ is often fantasied in films, tv, advertisements, and social media. We often believe it should look a certain way and even be ‘magical’. There is no right or wrong way to do Christmas and, it can be whatever you decide it to be. For example, it might be starting your day with staying in bed and watching a film with some snacks and a hot chocolate. It might be going for a walk with your dog, or sitting in the park, enjoying a quiet moment by a loch. If you want, give yourself permission to do nothing but to watch films or to play games all day. Christmas doesn’t have be a loud and busy day. You deserve peace, comfort and you do not need to pretend you are having a good time if you are not. You can choose to do Christmas in your own way, and that feels quieter, safe and within your limits and boundaries.

7)      If it all feels too much, stay connected in small ways: Isolation is a huge risk to your mental wellbeing, and small ways of connecting help reduce feeling of loneliness. Think of ways to connect meaningfully with others such as looking into volunteering opportunities over Christmas, go along to veteran specific social gatherings; join an online community; call someone you know will be spending Christmas day alone.

8)      Know your triggers: Think about what Christmas brings up for you, and problem-solve, and plan some ways of coping. It might be that Christmas brings up for you grief due to the loss of loved ones, so you might plan to take 10 minutes to have a quiet thought for those who are no longer with you.

9)      Ask for support: Know who you can reach out to if things get tough, it might be family, friends or a service. Look into services who can offer support such as on ALISS - A Local Information System for Scotland | ALISS. Asking for support can be a really difficult thing to do. Asking is a strength, not a weakness.

Whatever you choose to do, honour your right for a peaceful, and safe festive period.

Best wishes from V1P Lanarkshire.